Steve Yastrow

Don’t miss the chance (for) encounter

Two fabulous Chicago theater experiences this weekend: Steppenwolf’s adaptation of Haruki Murakami’s Kafka on the Shore, and Chicago Shakespeare Theater’s production of Peter Shaffer’s Amadeus.  Both were powerful and, if you are in Chicago, please see them.

At this moment, I want to share one passage from Kafka on the Shore.  Kafka, a 15-year old runaway meets a girl, Sakura, on a bus. As they ride together, Sakura asks him about a Japanese saying that talks about people traveling together.  The saying is ‘In travel a companion, in life compassion.”  Sakura asks Kafka what the saying means, and he says “I think it means that chance encounters are what keep us going.”

Although Kafka on the Shore is very cryptic and its meaning is not obvious, one thing that is clear throughout the story is how people meet each other, interact and make a difference in each others’ lives.  Altough I need to study Kafka on the Shore to understand it more deeply, I am struck how this one theme stands out so clearly in a dream-like tapestry of magical realism.

That the 15-year old’s name is Kafka is no coincidence, as he tries to confront the labyrinth of life in the story. But this makes it all the more interesting that he says “chance encounters are what keep us going.”  As Martin Buber wrote, “All real living is meeting.”  Our encounters with other people are what make life real.  Don’t miss the opportunity for encounter, whether it presents itself by chance or through interactions you plan in advance to have with others.  When confronting the complexities of life and business, follow Murakami’s advice and look for opportunities for relationship-building encounters with others.  They are what keep us going.

(I’ll write about Amadeus once I can get a hold of the text. Mozart has an amazing passage about harmony that makes for great brand harmony discussion.  I want to get the words right. No luck finding the text online tonight.)

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Mr. Lincoln - Master of Encounter

Just finished a wonderful book, Team of Rivals, by Doris Kearns Goodwin. The book focuses on how Abraham Lincoln built his cabinet. Instead of choosing cronies and old pals, Lincoln’s choices included three of his major rivals for the 1860 presidential nomination, William Seward, Edward Bates and Salmon Chase. None of these men thought Lincoln was presidential material, and, in fact, he was considered a light-weight who was not prepared for the job.

Lincoln won them over – especially Seward – by genuinely and methodically building his relationships with them. In fact, relationship-building encounters were a key to Lincoln’s success, whether it was at the highest political echelons or meeting the troops at the front. (Chase was the toughest relationship in the cabinet for Lincoln, but that was due more to Chase’s awkwardness with personal relationships than it was to anything Lincoln did.)

What’s especially interesting is that Lincoln was very successful at building relationships from afar, through letters and telegrams. I’m often asked, in speeches and workshops, if the proliferation of electronic communications – text messages, emails, instant messages, etc. – are making it harder for us to have human encounters. The truth is that it’s now easier to connect with people who aren’t nearby. Sure, electronic communication can be a crutch, but people can respond immediately to text messages, and you can instantly be in a dialogue with someone a continent away just by dialing their cell phone. And, of course, air travel makes it possible for us to include more in-person encounters in our relationships than was possible mid-nineteenth century.

We can learn from Mr. Lincoln. Every interaction can be a relationship-building encounter, if we genuinely believe that relationship building is at the center of what we need and want to do.

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Anybody there?

Here’s something to notice today, as you interact with people: Are you both fully present as you interact, or are either of you distracted, with your minds in another place and time?

The first step to creating a relationship-building encounter, instead of a relationship-eroding transaction, is for you and the person with whom you are interacting to be 100% present, fully-engaged in the moment.

Throughout the day today, pay attention, and in each interaction you have with another person rate how present each of you were. Maybe you were on a cell phone call as you paid for things at Walgreens. Don’t give yourself a high grade on that one - 30%, max. Maybe you could tell that your client was checking emails while you talked to him on the phone. He was certainly less that 100% present.

On the other hand, maybe you and another person had a great discussion about a project, and for 20 minutes neither of you was distracted by anything. Give yourselves an A+, 100%. Or you went into an appliance store and a sales clerk completely engaged with you and helped you figure out the perfect flat screen for your living room. Grade both of you highly.

Being present, fully engaged in the moment, is tough, especially in our multi-tasking, over-busy, deadline-driven world. But, even though being fully present is difficult, you can’t have a relationship-building encounter with a customer if you aren’t 100% there, engaged in the moment. So the choice is clear. Be scattered, giving your customers a portion of your attention, and have transactions. Or, be fully present, engaged in the moment, and have the chance at relationship-building encounter.

If you haven’t downloaded my free ebook, Encounters, please do. (Or, see Chapter 2 in We) There are many tips for helping yourself be fully-present in a customer encounter, and ideas for inviting your customer to be engaged in the moment with you.

But, for today, just notice. Pay attention to the level of engagement in your interactions.

And remember, if you answer your cell phone or check your Blackberry while you are talking with someone, you are not fully present. Like being absent on the day of a pop quiz, your grade will drop. Resist the temptation! Be there!

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