Steve Yastrow

Stop talking to yourself

One of the most important components of a relationship-building encounter is conversation, based on genuine dialogue. As Martin Buber wrote in his 1930 essay, Dialogue, what often passes for conversation is nothing more than “monologue disguised as dialogue.”

Conversation, and the difference between monologue and dialogue, has recently been a frequent topic of discussion with my clients and workshop participants. This opportunity to spend so much time conversing about conversation has clarified things for me, and here’s what I think:

In genuine dialogue, neither person is hiding an inner monologue. You are not talking to yourself in the background. You are talking with each other, and only with each other.

It’s not that you can’t be thinking while you are talking. Of course you are. But are your thoughts directed into the conversation, or are they part of a competing, plotting, inner monologue? Does the other person have a second voice in his head, hidden from you yet obscuring the true meaning of what you hear him say?

This is the intersection between being fully present and conversation. If you are talking to yourself, you can’t be in true dialogue with another person.

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Posted in Conversation | 8 Comments »

Stop targeting your customers

“We’re attacking the target market with a rifle shot approach.”

“We’re in a fierce battle with the competition to capture market share.”

“We’ve scheduled a volley of advertising for the fall.”

I’ve actually heard people say these things. What is this, marketing, or West Point?

Why are we targeting customers? Are we trying to shoot them?

I’ll bet many of these companies claim to have a focus on “relationship marketing.” (Which usually means their IT department manages CRM software and they use it to “target” offers to certain customers)

These are marketing words I avoid:

“target”
“chase”
“go after”
“attack”
“penetrate”
“exploit”
“saturate”
“capture”
“break through”
“seduce”
“Them”

These are marketing words I love:

“engage”
“collaborate”
“dialogue”
“listen”
“respond”
“dance”
“encounter”
“involve”
“We”

Throwing information at customers is a very ineffective method of communication. If I want to persuade you of something, would I have much luck if I tried to “capture” you or “target” you?

Relationships require dialogue. Monologue can cripple relationships in their tracks.

Marketing is not hypnosis. Is it not something you do to your customers. It is something you do with them.

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Why I don’t believe in the “Elevator Pitch”

The concept of the “elevator pitch” has become popular in recent years. An elevator pitch is what you would say if you were lucky enough to find yourself in an elevator for 30 seconds with the CEO of a prospective client company.

The biggest problem with an elevator pitch is that you may actually tell it to someone.

Why do I say this?

The Next 30 Seconds

I am much less interested in the 30 seconds you are in an elevator with a CEO than I am interested in the next 30 seconds, after you say goodbye in the building’s lobby. What happens during this subsequent 30 seconds? Is the CEO totally mesmerized by his encounter with you, unable to stop thinking about this incredible person he just met, or does he grab his cell phone and make a call, as the memory of you quickly fades away?

Monologue vs. Dialogue

If you want to create a memorable encounter with someone, don’t expect a 30-second monologue to do the trick, no matter how well it is crafted. You will have much better success if you focus, instead, on creating a 30-second dialogue.

The worst thing we all learned about marketing that it is mostly based on one-way communication … “getting the word out,” “telling your story,” “making your pitch,” “cutting through the clutter,” and, my personal (un)favorite, “capturing eyeballs.”

Humans don’t connect with monologues the way they connect with dialogues in which they are engaged. If you want to communicate with someone, don’t talk at them. Talk with them.

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Posted in Customer Encounters, We relationships | 6 Comments »