Against their best efforts, my husband and I have developed a relationship with the family farm we visit for our Christmas tree. At this farm, you cut your own tree, and it’s great fun. But our favorite part of the experience is the bah-humbug attitude of the multi-generational family staff.

The best example was last year, when the pater familias handed us the saw and started into his long-winded spiel, “Stay on the gravel and only cut trees on the left side. When you finish, come back here. We’ll tie down the tree while you go into that tent to pay. While you’re in there, buy a wreath or whatever other shit she’s made.” He spoke so fast that I don’t think most kids would catch the color commentary… I hope.

My husband and I may have a perverse sense of humor, so we enjoy this spectacle. But, of course, imagine how many more loyal customers this farm would have if they instilled a little bit more “Christmas cheer” into the whole process.